Low self-esteem showed me shege 2

Some days ago, a friend told me that I was comfortable in my skin, and I had to laugh out loud. I laughed because I two years ago would have been shocked. There was a point in my life when I couldn’t even phantom loving myself for who I was. I tried too hard to fit in, and I was in a constant battle with my quirks and desires.

I said in the first part of this post that I eventually decided to try something different. I’d say the first thing I did was that I found Christ, or better still Christ found me. At that point, I had been trying to find my identity in different places, which was futile. I was constantly battling thoughts of unworthiness, inadequacy, and guilt, so I tried to drown it all out by being wild.

But when Christ found me, for the first time in my life, a sense of peace came into me. Of course, for the first few years, those thoughts were still loud, but for the first time instead of running away from them, I could refute them with the truth. When voices told me that I wasn’t loved, I told them I was loved from the foundation of the world. It took me a while to grasp these truths, but that was the turning point of my entire life.

Another area I had to work on was my friendships. Before then, most of my friendships were shallow and fake and filled with a lot of competition. But in 2020 during the COVID-19 period when everyone went to their respective houses, I was able to find myself in Christ outside the influences of these people. By the end of that period, I knew I needed new friends.

Because God is amazing and intentional, he brought good friends my way. By good friends, I mean friends that have their priorities right and could see me through the lens of God’s word. These friends would never try to make me feel inadequate or force me into things that are obviously bad for me. These friends would be there to speak positive words over me when my world was full of negativity.

It’s a fact that you’re a product of your environment and influences. And in finding my new path, I had to let go of things that fueled my bad habits and embrace things that fed my mind with God’s word.

At that time I was addicted to reading Wattpad, and trust me I wasn’t reading presentable books. The first thing I did was I deleted the app from my phone, and I went on a one-year novel break. I also deleted all the songs on my phone that had bad lyrics.

You might think this is extreme, but where do you think those voices and that pressure were coming from? You can’t stay with the same inputs and expect different results. I finally saw that my life could be better, and even though I wasn’t confident, I was willing to try. And honestly, that’s all you need. The courage to see yourself outside the prison you’re in.

Another thing I did was I started having confessions. I started this in 2021, and it’s a habit I have kept till now. Of course, these words were from God’s word. And at first, it, felt like it was useless because sometimes I wasn’t sure if I believed what I was saying.

However, I kept confessing and confessing, and I can say boldly that these words have shaped my perception of myself. Our minds are so powerful that, all you need to do is believe good things about yourself and you’ll find yourself acting it out.

One example that stood out for me was, for a while I confessed that I was bold. At that time, I was one of the shyest people you can ever meet. But I kept confessing that I was bold because that was who God’s word said I was.

Then there was a time when my department was looking for someone to give a speech about something. Trust me, such things were very foreign to me because I never did them. It wasn’t even something that anyone would expect from me. But because I had taken time to renew my mind in private, I went for it. That was the beginning of my public speaking journey.

A lot of things in my life have evolved like this, and every time I remember where I’m coming from I’m filled with so much gratitude. And I can boldly say that there’s no one that the love of God cannot change.

Another thing that helped me was prayer. I can’t talk about my life and not talk about prayer. Prayer is such a privilege because, no matter what the world tells you, prayer brings alignment like nothing else.

When I started getting leadership positions at school and it became overwhelming, praying kept me grounded and God always supplied wisdom when I prayed. I would make decisions and they would turn out great, but it was only because I prayed about every single thing. I never got to the point where I started to trust in myself because I knew that outside Jesus I was nothing.

And somehow, I was able to balance everything I was doing without letting anyone slack because God was my source of strength.

All these things helped me to build confidence, but not in myself. I derive my confidence from the one that lives in me. So I don’t hold myself in high esteem because I’m pretty or I’m smart, but because I’m God’s temple. This is why nobody can look down on me or tell me anything that will make me go crazy and lose myself because I know the one that I carry. I know who my Daddy is. I know who I am, and I don’t need anyone to tell or validate me.

This also gave me the confidence to work on the natural aspects of my life. I would be lying if I told you that I did not invest in my intellectual health because I did a lot. I read a lot of books, and I always tried to consume things that would make me better.

Over the years, I have reaped tremendous benefits and rewards from these things. I look at some things and I know it’s only God’s goodness that could’ve brought them. He always surrounded me with people to encourage, comfort, and, direct me, and there was never a tangible reason to go back. And talk about peace and joy. It was unimaginable that my life could be that peaceful.

I am a God and people-made person. And I don’t even try to boast about myself, because I know there’s nothing to boast about. All I have, I was given. My perspective also changed, because I started prioritizing and I realized that some things aren’t worth that much. It’s not the end of the world if I’m not using the latest iPhone if I was single. My life isn’t dependent on such things.

I hope my story was able to inspire you, remind you of some things, or, realign you.

See you next week!